Utah woman shelters and feeds freezing stray cat, Greg, and defends the little guy when her husband flips out over a heated pad on their porch: ‘My daughters and I just want to care for a living creature, Greg isn’t hurting anyone’

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  • Aita for letting a homeless cat sleep on our porch?

    Healthy boy S
  • My husband (37M) and I (38F) own a home together with our two daughters. We've lived here for four years and often have seen a homeless cat, who we call Greg, for most of those four years.
  • We live in Utah, where winters are harsh and summers are hot. About a year ago, my daughters and I started feeding Greg because he looked so skinny and rough.
  • My husband was upset right away, which confused me. Why wouldn't we feed a starving animal?
  • You can see the before and after, The "after" was taken last week. He doesn't hate animals, but I don't think he considers them much.
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  • For context, we have two indoor cats who he mostly loves, and a dog, but he doesn't like my dog.
  • She's 15 and has accidents, which I understand is frustrating, but she's been a great dog.
  • He doesn't like her to be upstairs and encourages her to stay in our unfinished basement (please see update below).
  • Sometimes we bring her up to be with us, and I can tell he doesn't like this.
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  • Back to Greg. Last winter he looked awful... skinny, injured, and clearly struggling. My daughters and I cleaned him up outside and tried to find his owner since I knew my husband wouldn't agree to adopt him.
  • I ended up buying an insulated cat house so he'd have shelter. My husband got mad that it was on the porch, so I moved it under the porch to compromise.
  • Greg loved it and slept there every day. Now that it's fall again, we've had a lot of rain, and his house started leaking.
  • Yesterday I saw he was limping, so I went to IFA, bought a heated pad, and moved his house back to the porch so I could plug it in and keep him dry and able to rest his paw.
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  • This morning my husband freaked out over text. He said, "You have no regard for my feelings.
  • I said no. He's a cat, he'll be fine. This isn't just your house, it's ours.
  • I've been more open than I want to be even letting him have a house in the yard.
  • Why can't you just be happy with that?" I told him Greg was cold and it wasn't hurting anything.
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  • I also said it feels like he doesn't care about our feelings and that this is becoming a power thing.
  • He got angrier and said he'd "F\\\\ move the cat house himself." Now it feels like he's going to resent me for this, but I feel resentful too.
  • My daughters and I just want to care for a living creature. Greg isn't hurting anyone, and yet my husband seems to hate him for no reason.
  • AITA for letting him be on the porch? UPDATE: Thank you to everyone who responded. I do think some were more harsh than others, but when given the info above, it's understandable.
  • Without full context, it's easy to be harsh. To clear things up: My elderly dog has been my "child" since I was 23 years old.
  • She's been with me through everything. My daughter is 11 and absolutely obsessed with her. She calls our dog her "sister." Neither of us would ever allow her to be neglected, banished, or abused.
  • It's my fault for how I originally explained things. In my emotional state, I focused on Greg and not my dog, and I should have provided more context.
  • She has a very good life. The basement is unfinished, but we have a finished side and she goes between both.
  • We spend a lot of time with her downstairs, outside, and on small walks. She also comes upstairs quite a bit.
  • She sees us just as much as any other family dog does. She sleeps downstairs at night, but she has two huge comfy beds and a couch.
  • She literally walks herself to bed every night, as she's done her whole life. The idea that she's sad or neglected isn't accurate.
  • She also has tracheal induced seizures, meaning if she goes up and down stairs or gets too excited, she has a seizure.
  • Her veterinarian specifically recommended that we gate her away from stairs. So there are multiple valid reasons for how things are set up.
  • My main complaint with my husband regarding my dog is that when I bring her upstairs, he becomes noticeably uptight.
  • He doesn't want her upstairs when we're not supervising her, which I understand to an extent given her accidents.
  • However, someone mentioned using diapers, and I hadn't even thought of that, so thank you to that person.
  • My other issue is that he seems indifferent toward her. He's not mean, but he doesn't interact with her at all, kindly or otherwise.
  • It bothers me because I wish he loved her. I used this as an example to show that he clearly loves our cats, but not my dog, and he seems to hate the outdoor cat.
  • To those who think my husband is a monster, based on my initial wording, I don't blame you.
  • But he isn't. In every other way, he's kind. That's what confuses me so much. He's not controlling or abusive.
  • My daughter, his stepdaughter, calls him a "big softie" and a "gentle giant." I'm feisty and outspoken, and I've raised my daughter and his to be the same, to stand up for themselves and be good humans.
  • His whole family rescues animals, so this behavior toward Greg is very out of character. This leads me to believe it's not really about the cat.
  • I'm not excusing him, I'm still upset. But after talking to his mom, my mom, and my best friend, they all agree something deeper is going on.
  • He's mentioned feeling unheard at home, though I'd argue he doesn't communicate in a way that makes him heard.
  • Acting out over Greg isn't the way to fix that. Someone mentioned this could be an incompatibility issue, and honestly, that's probably the most accurate.
  • It's not just this situation. We're also politically opposite. He's shifted on a lot of things and even votes the same way as I do now, but our worldviews are still very different.
  • He has empathy, just not as much as I need in a partner. I told him we need to have a conversation once the girls are with their other parents.
  • I'll keep you all posted. Wish me luck, and thank you again to everyone, even the ones calling me an asshole.
  • Also, a few amazing people reached out offering help with Greg, and one local person wants to adopt him.
  • I cried I was so happy. My daughter cried too because she doesn't want him to go, but this will be wonderful for him.
  • He's such a great boy, and I'm so grateful to this angel of a person.
  • zxylady I had something similar happen to me when I was a young child and it was a puppy dog and I watched my mother try to help the animal and my stepdad said absolutely no! Animals aren't important God doesn't love them (yes that was his actual quote) and I am literally still heartbroken traumatized and disgusted with myself even though I was only 7yo or so when we left that animal to be hurt and abused. I I'm over 40 years old now and I still dream about that dog at least twice a year and my
  • OP Away-Computer-181 My heart breaks for you. You are a very good human. You were 7. You can't blame yourself. But You're right about my situation. I would never forgive myself if I didn't take care of him and if I had listened to my husband.
  • SnoreLaxTaxThatAx10 You're with a man who makes you keep your elderly dog in an unfinished basement, and you're confused about why he doesn't care about the cat? Ma'am you have much bigger problems than the cat
  • EnchantedTikiBird You've done a real blessing for Greg. Have you considered moving your husband under the porch and Greg into the house?? NTA!
  • Iwontjudjeu Please find a loving home for your dog. I can't believe you're OK with your husband banishing the dog to the basement. That's cruel. People who don't love pets should not have them.
  • Maggiemoo621 NTA. But your husband is straight up heartless. And that poor dog..gets to spend its final years alone most of the time in a gross unfinished basement. Jesus Christ..you have much bigger problems than this cat.
  • Lori_ftw NTA- Move the husband to the porch and the cat inside. I could never be with someone who insisted on a senior animal be isolated in the basement, especially when diapers and other remedies exist for the pee issue.
  • Wrecklessinseattle I know it's kinda Reddit passé to say ditch your husband, but I don't trust people who act like that towards animals. His feelings are boorish, unsympathetic and cold. He's not offering a healthy alternative, nor is he concerned for YOUR feeling as a person who is having. empathy for unhoused pets. If his argument was that cats are a non native invasive species there might be some weight to his feelings, but that doesn't seem to be the case. He just doesn't seem to like animal
  • crasho7 Yeah. It's not his house either, its all of yours and he's the minority. How does the cat impact him, at all, unless he just want to be the "authority", the big man in charge. The only thing he's showing your daughter is a lack of compassion and a random control trip. You're a good person OP. Your husband is not. At least in this situation. He sounds like a major ah. But you are NTA. Edit: and he doesn't like the dog "anymore", because it has old age issues. I hope you stay healthy OP
  • Kristiewithak Treating animals poorly is about the biggest red flag you can get in a person. Your husband is a jerk.

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